xaviir20

It has been a while since I have written a new journal and posted here on DA but I won't bother anyone trying to read this since they are not interested or cares but those who do will know by now.

Yes I am going back to Florida moving out with my mom this time after having a 2 weeks of vacation to new jersey with my grandparents to see some family members was a good time but when I stayed a few days at my step mom's house having some time and bond with my biological brothers it took a heavy toll and burden on me I was already sad and down and cried when I held onto my deceased father's ashes in my arms and prayed a lot and I have forgiven him for the things he has done sometimes I feel like I am nothing but a failure to him a failed experiment bringing disappointment nothing more but I don't think that is true instead he sees me maybe as a success with my own life making my own decisions and choices and he would be proud of me....I hope so.

On this coming tuesday on the 22 of August I am going to be back to Florida and stay with my mom this time it has been now 4 years staying with my grandparents in puerto rico I tried some stuff like a job or study but it didn't work out for me and I don't like how puerto rico is now still in poverty and a lot of crime and murder everyday but I don't look into it for so much and never hear news about what happens so it doesn't make me feel more down and depressed as I move on forward.

I may be happy to be back at Florida but not with my life when my mom is gone I don't know what to do with myself and don't like to be alone and have a lot of anxiety and stress and depression making me down and with things I can't handle on my own and don't like to deal with so I don't how long I will last till I break but if I do then I wouldn't be in this world anymore and be at peace instead it was a nice and honor to have have fun in DA and FA I may not talk or socialize a lot with anyone cause no one talks to me or wants to or bothers but I leave them be and understand that they are busy and have no time to talk and never interrupt them not that anyone cares about me anyway except some of my family of course and hate to be surrounded by judgemental people of the things that I like and do every time.

If I'm not back then you all already may or may not know that I am long gone and I will never bother anyone ever again cause the new era and generation that we live in now is terrible and awful, the entertainment system is broken all the good things that we loved and grew up with is gone forever and bad people who are evil and greedy are ruining it turning it into their own corporations, the justice system is broken there is really no true justice you can't rely on the law and authorities anymore they are corrupted and only defend the evil and wicked while punishing the weak and the innocent for no reason when they try to stand for themselves and defend themselves you have to bring true justice by yourself and not rely nor trust anyone to help you, the woke and LGBT mob is ruining everyone and everything that we love including our friends and families and loved ones with their sick disgusting ideals and goals and turn people into their own image just for their own sick and disgusting desires for predators to enjoy and traumatize children and wash their minds so they can control them and those in America who are waking up are sick and tired of the nonsense going on.

If any sick predators and pedophiles try to touch or groom my little brother I will not hesitate to kill them for good cause as an older brother of the family it is my and every older brother's duty to protect their youngest siblings from these sick freaks and abominations I don't care if I go to jail or prison wich I will happily go to.

So yes I will be back in Florida in next week I hope you all understand me and what I say even if you don't but I may be happy on the outside but on the inside I'm not happy but trying to fight and keep myself in check and not go insane so I'm sorry to have written so long and bothered you all hope you all have a good day and may god bless you all and please be very careful wherever you are and go, hug your parents love them and your families and stay safe and do not go looking for trouble or let trouble find you so peace.

Today is my birthday and I am now 25 but there is nothing special about it or exciting neither another miserable boring year to move forward and be nothing as being an adult and I'm not happy about it a lot not like anyone cares whenever I make journals about my birthday since no one talks to me nor have time and are busy doing their own businesses and errands and jobs so there is no point of me talking about it. Perhaps some pics done by anyone as gifts like requests about my characters done by anyone who wants to if ask permission by me would be nice I guess to set my mood a little bit I don't know maybe or totally no one would want to so I understand and hope you all have a good day and good night sorry for bothering you all and sorry to bother asking.

Won't be saying much but wanted to let you all know since we are in April my birthday would be coming on the 24th and I'm going to be 25 I know I haven't talked anyone or talked in the slightest only to some people who I know and follow although can't keep up cause of how busy they really are wich it is understandable to respect their space as they deal with errands and such with their lives. I don't feel happy about having a birthday since getting older means it sucks to be in misery with your life having a bad experience while growing up with your family members and all that. I won't bother talking much about myself that way I am not wasting anyone's time about my sad story and stuff so since I am unable to post my work on this community due to avoiding risks of having owners ans leaders to kick me out and banning me for no reason, best not to post anything of my drawings such as my hazbin hotel/ helluva boss oc and move on. If anyone wants to draw my oc as a gift let me know and pm me if wanting to, not forcing you to do so, not like no one cares about what I draw and like to talk about with since I have those who follow me and I follow them. Tried to do rps with anyone but sadly people seem to leave me for no reason and those who don't leave never come back nor reply back unless they are doing stuff that they deal with everyday as usual I sometimes wait but never get any responds back, has been three to four years now when I started using amino back in 2019 and still have those who have not left but are never online perhaps they moved on and deleted the app or maybe just never use their phones ever again who knows I don't get involved into their lives I'm only around to make new friends who are good and can be trusted in order I can call them a friend a good friend and get to do rps together whenever but since they never come back and leave I wouldn't want to do any rps anymore because of that. But anyway it's not an excuse for anyone since again no one cares about it so sorry if this was long for everyone read I will be going on with my day and again if anyone wants to draw my oc or want to rp tell and pm me anytime and we can talk and stuff also again sorry for wasting all of your time on this so that is all thank you and have a good day and be safe and well everyone.

It has come to my conclusion that people randomly popping out of nowhere need to stop asking me about wanting to do some random rps I do not want or am I interested in it makes me frustrated and annoyed. The only rps I ever do and wish to do is my hero academia, hazbin hotel and helluva boss nothing more and I do not do cc x cc or oc x oc I only do oc x cc so stop annoying me just to make me angry about your stupid rps such as playing other characters that I'm not interested like playing any character from the Mario franchise, Friday night funkin, adventure time or whatever I'm tired of it. Do not spam me and start crying about it when someone isn't interested they mean it they don't want you better take the hint and move on finding someone else wich sure would do any random rps you want to do so just stop asking me about wanting to rp random stupid shit I don't want to and leave me alone and like I said I only do my hero academia, hazbin hotel or helluva boss rps if anyone who knows these would gladly rp with me cause I have been trying to find anyone who could do any of these with me but sadly I got no luck and still been waiting for a long time.

Sorry for my venting but I can't stand having people annoy me to do these rps I get tensed as I am drawing new pics to submit I can't get any focus or concentration and I'm sure that I am not the only one who gets annoyed and mad at something like this when it comes to drawing your art and trying to focus while listening to music just to vibe and relax it could be a bunch of cringey ahh kids trying to do this just for attention.

Today I have bad news well not just me but for my whole family members as well. Today we were informed that my dad has passed away due to a heart attack and high pressure on his way back home from work as he lives in New Jersey with my step mom and I don't know how to feel either sad, angry or relieved is too many emotions to keep in control and. My step mom called my grandpa this morning, was asleep and woke up to loud mourning and crying of someone I thought I was dreaming but I wasn't I woke up and went to check on who was crying and it was none other than my grandma she was crying and screaming loud and hard when she heard the news she was heart broken and sad to know her youngest son has passed away she was crying and begging for my dad to not die and have a chance to live on. I thought someone who my grandparents from the kingdom hall who they know passed away but it wasn't I was not expecting this to happen and it hurts a lot. All of the family came to our house today and stayed together to keep her and my grandpa in check to stay calm and eased as they all mourned and cried and sobbed for my dad from passing this has been going on since this morning to the whole day, my uncle who is my dad's older brother even cried hard and a lot so much he couldn't bare to believe the pain of losing his little brother from such a tragedy he even stayed with us for the whole day as well. I talked with my sisters and told them what happened they too were sad and cried a lot i...we wanted to fix our relationship with him and have a good bond together but we did not have time. My grandparents and family of my dad and uncle may be JWs but they loved my dad a lot they give him a lot of love and care and everything to him in this world we live in and call it home, as right now I would be going to New Jersey as my cousins and sisters and grandpa handle with the services to complete it he is going to be cremated my sisters will be there and it will be the moment we would say our goodbyes to him as he is resting in piece he may have done bad things and we did not had a good relationship with him I may have been angry for what he tried to do to me but I forgive him as he doesn't suffer anymore only until me and my sisters and all of my family members will see him again in the new world that will be coming and we will get to have that relationship and bond together and live happily ever after forever and being a changed man and a better person :( .